The topic of disciplining children is a sensitive one. Some believe in physical discipline, time outs, or something else entirely. Quite often, these beliefs are formed by our childhoods. Yet regardless of the example set by our earthly parents, whether good or bad, we have a perfect Heavenly Father whose purposes are worth emulating. So how does God view discipline, and what can we learn for our own children?
Discipline is a sign of love
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. (Hebrews 12:7-8)
Let’s dispel the myth that God is a gentle teddy bear, sitting idly by and patiently waiting for us to get things right. Here, we clearly see that God not only disciplines us, but doing so is evidence that we belong to Him. The wording of these verses makes it seem so obvious that God, out of love for His children, would discipline them.
Consider the history of Israel throughout the Old Testament. God is often seen as a wrathful deity, filled with fire and brimstone. Yet if we take time to really examine what He does, and why He does it, we see a God who is filled with compassion and an ultimate desire for His people to follow Him. This isn’t an ego trip, but a loving father knowing that His children don’t need to eat candy for dinner, no matter how much they may want to.
He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently. (Proverbs 13:24)
When we think about disciplining our own children, in whatever form it takes, it’s of the utmost importance that it never be done out of anger or selfishness, but purely because we love them and want the best for them. That means there is no room for violent abuse, but we must also consider whether that means that withholding discipline is truly a loving act.
Discipline kills sin
We can accept that discipline is loving, but why? What is the end result of discipline that makes it so worthwhile?
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. (Hebrews 12:11)
All discipline, whether by God or parents, is unpleasant. No child walks happily towards time out or a spanking. No adult jumps up and down in jubilation when they learn that God is disciplining them for their addiction to social media or giving in to anger. Discipline is a means to a very important end.
However, it’s the “afterwards” that matters. The goal of discipline is to generate righteousness within us, remind us that the immediate pleasure of sin leads to something much worse than if we had simply denied ourselves and walked in obedience. It helps us see consequences, realize that sin brings pain, and set in our minds that what seems pleasing now isn’t worth the price later.
Discipline teaches us to see beyond ourselves
The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverted mouth, I hate. (Proverbs 8:13)
Ultimately, sin in any form comes down to selfishness and pride. We are so focused on ourselves, our own happiness being our only measure for making a decision. We know something may be wrong, but we can’t stomach the idea of telling ourselves no. So we spend unwisely, visit websites we shoudn’t, indulge in unhealthy behavior, and generally give our desires ultimate authority over us.
And without discipline, why should we stop? Yet no matter the age, discipline teaches children that there are constant laws that exist apart from themselves, and their desire for happiness doesn’t nullify the reality of rules.
It teaches them that there are laws in their home that they are expected to follow. As they grow older, they can understand that there are laws enforced by courts and police officers, and whether they like it or not they will follow them or face discipline. And most importantly, they will learn that their own desires don’t overwrite God’s desires for them.
Discipline repairs shattered relationships
Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. (Hebrews 12:9-10)
Ultimately, a good parent wants to be closer to their child. Sin fractures a relationship, and without intervention that behavior will just continue to spiral out of control. Discipline serves to jolt a child out of a certain pattern, disrupting things so they can pause and see what they’ve done. This not only reveals their sin, but gives them an opportunity to repair the damage they’ve caused in the relationship with their parent.
We see this clearly in how God disciplines us. He surely does so because wrongdoing must be punished, yet His motivations aren’t purely a negative reaction against something bad. Instead, God wants to discipline us because our sin has damaged the relationship, and it’s only through being shaken from our pride that we can humbly ask Him for forgiveness.
As we continue to see the sin in our lives, God continues to kill it. That sin isn’t just removed, but replaced with a deep and meaningful love of our Heavenly Father. By seeing the ugliness of what our sin creates, we realize that what once seemed pleasing to us is actually detestable. We learn to hate it because the one we love most hates it.
The way God treats His children is our perfect example of how we should treat our own. Discipline should always have a purpose, and as Christians our purpose should always be to display Christ and glorify our Father. Just as God disciplines us so we can grow, learn, and become closer to Him, our own goal with our children shoudn’t be to be their best friends or to take out our frustrations on them, but instead to let them face unpleasantness now so they can enjoy the benefits of righteousness after.
