If you’ve only recently discovered this ministry, you may not know that I have a long history with depression. I’ve talked extensively about mental health in my 5 part series on psychology, and I got very personal in part 4 (check out parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5). I’ve also shared how God uses my depression for His glory, as well as a warning system for sin I may have blinded myself to. God has freed me from my depression by bringing me to a point of surrender to my Lord. However, I’ve also learned that I may never be rid of depression on this side of eternity because I’ll never be rid of this rotten thing called the “old man” who keeps hanging around.
So when, not if, I am confronted with depression, my response is important. And over the years, I’ve found an important pattern that allows me to live as a depressed Christian to the glory of God. Note that this is what my own life looks like, and may not “work” for someone else. However, I hope my attempts to greet suffering with good theology can at least offer some encouragement as you face your own depression or talk to someone else who is struggling.
First, I look to my pile of rocks instead of my emotions
I’m flabbergasted that I haven’t talked about this concept on my blog or podcast because it’s pretty central to any kind of biblical counseling I do.
Then it came about, as soon as Gideon was dead, that the sons of Israel again played the harlot with the Baals, and made Baal-berith their god. Thus the sons of Israel did not remember the LORD their God, who had delivered them from the hands of all their enemies on every side (Judge 8:33-34)
The Old Testament is filled with calls for Israel to remember God. Whenever Israel strays, it’s because they forget who God is and what He’s done. They, like us, so easily forget who God has proven Himself to be in the past and instead allow their circumstances, the culture, or just their emotions to change what they believe about reality, themselves, and God.
When we see Israel failing again, we see the importance for them to remember their God.
…and Joshua said to them, “Cross again to the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan, and each of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Israel. This shall be a sign among you; when your children ask later, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ then you shall say to them, ‘That the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord; when it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off.’ So these stones shall become a memorial to the sons of Israel forever.” (Joshua 4:5-7)
This scene in the book of Joshua is similar to what we see when God does something major for Israel and they name a location to remind them. Whether it’s a stone altar or a special name, God’s desire was for His people to set up markers that they and their children could look to and remember events that are easily forgotten over time. What seemed so real and life-changing on one day slowly fades as time passes, yet it was clearly important to remember the power and love God has displayed for His people in the past.
My “pile of stones” is all the times God has carried me through times of depression. It reminds me that what feels so real now is the same emotion and suffering that has seemed so real many times before. Yet no matter how hopeless or painful a moment seems, no matter how forgotten or worthless I feel… I can look back and see the other times God was my refuge and not only saw me through to the end of a period of depression, but protected and guided me in ways I didn’t even see at the time.
The Lord’s acts of mercy indeed do not end,
For His compassions do not fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
By looking back to previous times of depression, I’m reminded of the difference between what feels real and what is true. In a moment when life seems hopeless and I want to give up, I can remember that those feelings aren’t new, and they’re as deceptive and destructive today as they were dozens of times before. My emotions are wildly unreliable, which is why I look to the unchanging rock who never fails.
Yet I don’t just look at times of depression, but also at who God is at all times. Yes, specifics help bring clarity, but remembering God’s kindness, patience, power, and grace all help ground me in reality. God has revealed so much about Himself to us, which is why knowing Him is critical to all areas of our lives, but especially those difficult times where we’re tempted to let circumstances become more true to us than the truth of God.
Greeting depression by remembering the truth of God is critical. It covers me in hope, protects me with truth, and points out all the ways my emotions are leading me astray. It sets me up for success by knowing that no matter how long or intense this time of depression may be, none of it is going to be wasted. God is not only comforting me in the darkness but will use it for His glory.
I identify my triggers
Knowing I have hope through Jesus Christ, I can approach my depression with a biblical worldview. I’ve learned that my depression, like most people, is a fruit growing on a tree. While the depression is unpleasant, and may seem like my primary issue, I know that it’s just a result of a much deeper root. When depression starts taking my heart, I know there’s something more going on.
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer.
I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”;
And You forgave the guilt of my sin. (Psalm 32:3-5)
Over time, I’ve learned to figure out what these issues tend to be. For me, it might be laziness in my spiritual life, worrying about situations, or spending too much time on enjoyable things. Most commonly, however, it’s because I find myself feeling entitled to not live with constant, daily, often intense pain. I will stop turning to God for strength and rest, I’ll stop asking Him to receive glory through my suffering, and will instead give in to bitterness and resentment. The words “God, can’t you just leave me alone for like a day?” have entered my prayers more than once.
And don’t get me wrong, none of these will immediately send me into a downward spiral. The last one, many would argue, is even normal. It’s when I allow these things to go unchecked for too long that they start poisoning my walk with Christ. Perhaps I turn to idolatry by focusing too much on things that are good at the expense of focusing on a God who is ultimate. Maybe sinful thoughts and behaviors start to become normal as I neglect repentance and prayer for God to give me wisdom or deliverance. Often, I go from turning to God with questions to accusing Him of neglect or unfairness.
When the fruit of depression starts to grow, I have some common roots to look for and surrender to God. Yet there are times when it’s not one of the usual suspects. There have been times where I’ve been depressed and haven’t been able to figure out why during the moment. I’ve still prayed and rested in God’s goodness, but it may be months before I realize that a bit of pride I hadn’t noticed was the root of depression, and it was through a few days of depression that the Holy Spirit brought it to the surface so He could begin purging it.
No episode of depression looks the same, but when I begin with God as my foundation instead of how I feel at the moment, I can get a better picture of what sin in my life may have been left to fester for too long. I can rest knowing that not only is there light at the end of my darkness, but God is sure to use my depression to refine me and bring me even closer to Christ.
I find contentment during depression
I sometimes wish my depression was like an allergic reaction where I can identify the problem, hit it with some medicine, and be good to go in a few hours. However, depression after days or weeks of sin or idolatry is more like a virus that I just need to ride out. While it may not be a fun experience for me or my family, it’s one I’ve learned to approach with patience and trust that God will deliver me in His perfect time… all I have to do is stay out of the way.
The idea of being content in the midst of depression, or any suffering, is completely foreign to many. And it may not seem apparent, but I would argue that it’s one of the keys to glorifying God in the midst of depression. Without the Holy Spirit slowly teaching me this, I can’t imagine what I’d turn to when depression hangs around too long.
First, consider depression from the usual perspective. It’s unpleasant, so all we want to do is escape it. We want an end to this suffering, and the more it lingers the more desperate we become. If escape is our greatest desire, then what happens when God doesn’t provide it? In time, we’ll take things into our own hands and find a way to deliver ourselves.
How do people try to either dull or eliminate their depression?
- Drugs
- Alcohol
- Sex
- Distractions like TV, work, or hobbies
- Self-harm
- Suicide
If we treat our depression as something we need to be saved from, then we’ll turn to whatever will offer us that salvation. We will grow impatient with God when He doesn’t deliver us. We will rely on our own wisdom to not only say when our depression needs to end, but we’ll do whatever it takes to pick up where God is clearly slacking. If we think that the only way we can be content is to escape depression, then even something as permanent as suicide can offer us some measure of happiness and release.
And when I didn’t approach depression with hope… when I felt like a victim and didn’t turn to God… that is how I would approach depression as well.
Not that I speak from need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with little, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)
The greater context of this verse is important, because we often use Paul’s words as a form of empowerment. We want to apply it to depression and say “I can get to the end of this depression by the power of God!” But when we do that, we’re still focused on the wrong thing. And we’re missing what Paul was really talking about here.
When Paul wrote these words, He wasn’t talking about winning a sports game or getting in shape. He wasn’t talking about finding happiness and success, but about living a life completely devoted to Jesus Christ. Paul is saying that His circumstances didn’t change his purpose. Paul wanted to bring glory to God whether he was rich or poor, healthy or sick, and I think we can add depressed or “normal.” We, like Paul, can live to the glory of God through the power, grace, mercy, and hope of Jesus Christ.
When that’s our goal, then even depression can become our means of serving our King. In the midst of suffering, we can more clearly reflect the glorious light of Jesus Christ. The hope of the gospel is suddenly not just for those who are happy and enjoying life, but it’s even found in the darkness of someone who is incapable of smiling. In those moments, the reality of who God is becomes about much more than something as nonsensical as the Prosperity Gospel.
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. (Galatians 2:20)
I’ve learned to be content in the midst of my depression because I serve a God who is greater than my hopelessness. He offers me a desire to glorify Him that brings far more satisfaction than hoping for an end to how I feel. Escaping depression may lead me to the brink of suicide, while contentment enables me to live for Christ.
Final thoughts
Will a time of depression end? The numerous altars I’ve built to God tell me yes. But even if God called me to endure a constant emotional suffering that matched my physical pain, I know my beautiful Savior would be there with me. He may not deliver me in the way I may want, but He will always treat me in a way that is perfect.
Because of the extraordinary greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in distresses, in persecutions, in difficulties, in behalf of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
Over the years, this is how God has taught me to survive depression. When I trust in Him, and am willing to be honest about my own role in my suffering, then I can see that an end to depression isn’t my greatest need or desire. I know Christ will deliver me in His perfect timing, and all I need to do is focus on what truly matters. When my desire is for the glory of God over my own comfort or happiness, then even something as painful as depression is an opportunity to allow my weakness to show the power of Jesus Christ.
