…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
In the messy dynamics of human relationships, we want to understand where we fit with other people. Husbands and wives, pastors and churchgoers, children and parents, bosses and employees, leaders and citizens… we all have these relationships that seem like they’re built on some kind of authority hierarchy, where one person is meant to fall under the authority and leadership of another.
But does Ephesians 5:21 set us free from this sort of thinking?
Mutual submission?
The term “mutual submission” is a common conclusion people reach in this verse. Today, we most often see it come up within marriage. Egalitarians (men and women share equal value, roles, and authority) read the reciprocal “one another” as ending gender-based hierarchy outright. On the other side, many complementarians (men and women have equal value but different roles) agree that this teaches mutual submission, but also that wives have a special submission to their husband that he doesn’t have to her.
I want to discuss why “mutual submission” carries issues, why the text isn’t teaching this in the first place, why this isn’t the same as Philippians 2:3-4, and why pushing this verse further than intended forces us into conclusions none of us actually believe, like Christ submitting to the church.
What does “submit” even mean?
As people read the remainder of this article, I imagine some will keep saying one thing over and over: “Submitting means serving and considering others more important than yourselves!” If someone holds that definition, they’re going to be very frustrated with the rest of this discussion. And if submission carries the idea of being considerate toward the well-being of another, then the rest of this discussion is pointless.
So before going further, here’s the definition I’m working with: to “submit” is to place ourselves under someone else’s authority, recognizing they have the right to lead or decide while we trust and follow. Submission is about how we interact with a person’s position. Whether someone deserves our love or respect is a different question from whether they hold authority over us.
While words can have multiple meanings based on context, the case for this is simple when we look at how the Greek word Paul uses (hypotassō) consistently carries the idea of one or more people being subject to someone in authority over them, not being concerned with someone’s wellbeing above your own.
| Reference | ESV wording containing ὑποτάσσω / hypotassō | Who/what is under whom/what? |
|---|---|---|
| Luke 2:51 | “He went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them.” | Jesus → Joseph and Mary |
| Luke 10:17 | “Even the demons are subject to us in your name!” | demons → disciples |
| Luke 10:20 | “The spirits are subject to you.” | spirits → disciples |
| Romans 8:7 | “It does not submit to God’s law.” | fleshly mind → God’s law |
| Romans 8:20 | “The creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it.” | creation → futility (note that God did the subjecting) |
| Romans 10:3 | “They did not submit to God’s righteousness.” | Israel → God’s righteousness |
| Romans 13:1 | “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities.” | people → governing authorities |
| Romans 13:5 | “One must be in subjection.” | people → governing authorities |
| 1 Corinthians 14:32 | “The spirits of prophets are subject to prophets.” | prophet’s spirits → prophets (note: The context suggests that a true prophet is under self-control and their gift doesn’t lead to sudden and disruptive usage) |
| 1 Corinthians 14:34 | “They are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission.” | women → under the authority of their husband and church leaders |
| 1 Corinthians 15:27 | “God has put all things in subjection under his feet. But when it says, ‘all things are put in subjection,’ it is plain that he is excepted who put all things in subjection under him.” | all things → Christ |
| 1 Corinthians 15:28 | “When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him.” | all things → Son; Son → Father |
| 1 Corinthians 16:16 | “Be subject to such as these, and to every fellow worker and laborer.” | Corinthian believers → Stephanus’s household and other devoted ministry workers |
| Ephesians 1:22 | “He put all things under his feet.” | all things → Christ |
| Ephesians 5:21 | “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” | Christians → one another |
| Ephesians 5:22 | “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” | Wives → their husbands |
| Ephesians 5:24 | “As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” | Church → Christ; wives → husbands |
| Philippians 3:21 | “By the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.” | all things → Christ |
| Colossians 3:18 | “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” | wives → husbands |
| Titus 2:5 | “Kind, and submissive to their own husbands.” | wives → husbands |
| Titus 2:9 | “Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything.” | bondservants → masters |
| Titus 3:1 | “Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities.” | Christians → their rulers/authorities |
| Hebrews 2:5 | “It was not to angels that God subjected the world to come.” | world to come → not angels, but it’s Jesus by implication |
| Hebrews 2:8 | “‘Putting everything in subjection under his feet.’ Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to him.” | everything → Christ |
| Hebrews 12:9 | “Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?” | Christians → God |
| James 4:7 | “Submit yourselves therefore to God.” | Christians → God |
| 1 Peter 2:13 | “Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution.” | Christians → governing institutions |
| 1 Peter 2:18 | “Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect.” | servants → masters |
| 1 Peter 3:1 | “Wives, be subject to your own husbands.” | wives → husbands |
| 1 Peter 3:5 | “By submitting to their own husbands.” | holy women → husbands |
| 1 Peter 3:22 | “With angels, authorities, and powers having been subjected to him.” | angels, authorities, powers → Christ |
| 1 Peter 5:5 | “You who are younger, be subject to the elders.” | younger Christians → elders |
Though it may press against our modern sensibilities, we can’t escape the evidence that “mutual submission” would be a radical anomaly compared to how the word Paul uses consistently means one thing is subject to, ruled by, or submits to the authority of another.
Some may already be objecting: fine, hypotassō is one-directional everywhere else, but this verse pairs it with “one another.” Doesn’t that undo everything this table just showed? Hold that thought, because we can tackle it once we’ve seen how Paul actually applies the command in 5:22-6:9. For now, just notice this: nothing in the word itself supports a “mutual” reading. If “one another” changes the definition of submission, we should expect that change to be evident in the rest of the text.
Parents submit to children? Christ submits to us?
This is the confusion I noted in the introduction. When we push out “mutual submission” to a consistent and logical conclusion, it doesn’t stop with marriage.
In our culture, the idea of “mutual submission” sounds great. Especially in America, we have a cultural history of abused authority and dehumanization of God’s image-bearers. So it’s understandable why we’d see a verse like this and feel comfort that the Bible, in fact, doesn’t teach that God rejoices at those parts of human history that we know are against His will.
But what does “mutual submission” look like in practice if, as discussed above, it means that we place ourselves under the power or authority of another? And does the Bible clearly expect all relationships to have equal submission? After all, the Bible is clear in how it tells certain groups to submit to/obey one or more people:
- Citizens to their governing authorities (Romans 13:1)
- Churchgoers to their pastors (Hebrews 13:17)
- Wives to their own husbands (Ephesians 5:22)
- Children to their parents (Ephesians 6:1)
- Bondservants to their masters (Ephesians 6:5)
But notice we never get a reciprocal command for the latter to obey the former.
- Authorities aren’t subject to citizens (even in a democracy)
- Pastors don’t obey and submit to their congregation (even in a Baptist church)
- Husbands aren’t commanded to submit to their wives (despite how one or both parties may function like it)
- Parents don’t obey children (despite Disney’s messaging that they should)
- Masters don’t obey bondservants (though some may wish unions made them)
As far as actual, biblical commands go, these calls for submission and obedience are one-sided. And it’s always framed the same way: one is in authority, another is under their authority, and they must conduct themselves accordingly.
Yet despite how it may seem, I’m not just splitting hairs. If we aren’t careful and try to read “mutual submission” into these relationships, we have no choice but to conclude mutual submission in another relationship:
- The Church submits to Christ
- So Christ must submit to the Church
After all, Christ’s relationship to the church is the very foundation Paul uses to explain why wives submit to their husbands.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:24)
If “mutual submission” means husbands submit to wives the same way wives submit to husbands, and Christ’s relationship to the church is the template for that relationship, then consistency demands Christ also submits to the church. But nothing in Scripture says that (and most Christians would call it heresy to suggest it). Jesus came to serve, but He did not come to submit.
What’s Paul talking about?
The command of “submitting to one another” isn’t isolated, but is one of many things necessary for a functioning community. I’ll address “one another” in a moment, but for now let’s look at the immediate context of what Paul says.
Paul explains “submission”
He starts off by giving various ways members of a local church can be “filled with the Spirit” (5:18). He concludes this list with “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (5:21). He then immediately moves into three relationships where one person is in authority over another: husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and bondservants.
The commands for those under authority are clear: wives submit, children obey, bondservants obey. This is made especially clear because in the original language, 5:22 doesn’t even have a verb, so translators “borrow” the verb from the previous sentence to make it read more smoothly. It should read something more like this:
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
This is significant because it shows that a wife’s submission to her husband is a direct application of “submitting to one another” in the previous sentence. They aren’t separate things; what Paul goes on to say in 5:22-6:9 is a specific explanation for the broader principle he gave in 5:21.
Do husbands, fathers, and masters submit?
Some might concede that Ephesians 5:22 and beyond are how Paul gives practical application to the “submission” command, but that he also applies it to husbands, parents, and masters. In other words, he says “here’s how each group submits to one another.” This table shows how this would allegedly work:
| This group | Submits to the other by… |
| Wives | Submitting (5:22, 24) |
| Husbands | Loving; giving himself up (5:25) |
| Children | Obeying; honoring (6:1-2) |
| Parents | Not provoking to anger; bringing up in discipline and instruction (6:4) |
| Bondservants | Obeying (6:5) |
| Masters | Doing the same (in sincerity and recognition of the Lord, v. 6-8); stopping their threatening (6:9) |
But we may notice a problem: one group still submits by falling under the other’s authority. Wives, children, and bondservants are told to line up under the authorities over them, responding positively to that authority (submit, obey, obey). Conversely, husbands, fathers, and masters are told how to lead those who submit to them, not given a blueprint for their own version of submission. One group submits to authority; the other guards how they treat those under them.
So why give commands to husbands, fathers, and masters? Paul pairs each submission command with a corrective command for the one in authority. He says, “Yes, children must obey. But fathers, you must consider who they are so you can lead them as godly men.” Paul’s point is that those in authority don’t get off easy, but instead bear greater responsibility because they must intimately know and care about their people so they can lead them rightly. Just as refusing to submit to authorities is an act of disobedience to the Lord, so too is harsh or selfish leadership.
This chart more clearly shows the responsibilities of each group:
| Those under authority must submit to that authority | Those in authority must bear responsibility for those they lead |
|---|---|
| Wives: submitting (5:22, 24) | Husbands: loving; giving himself up (5:25) |
| Children: obeying; honoring (6:1-2) | Fathers: not provoking to anger; bringing up in discipline and instruction (6:4) |
| Bondservants: obeying (6:5) | Masters: doing the same (6:6-8); stopping their threatening (6:9) |
“One another” isn’t “all people at the same time”
Even if hypotassō always means one party is under someone else’s authority, there’s still an obvious objection: doesn’t “one another” cancel that out? If everyone submits to everyone, isn’t that mutual submission by definition, with all people humbly placing themselves below everyone else like we see in Philippians 2:3-4?
It’s possible. But that still runs into the same wall we hit earlier: if A submits to B, B isn’t submitting, he’s ruling. “Mutual submission,” used that way, isn’t really submission at all. It’s treating one another well, relabeled with a word that actually means something more specific: one person aligning themselves under another.
Fortunately, there’s a better way to understand this term, and it has nothing to do with translation. Instead, we need to understand how reciprocal language works, in Greek and English alike.
“One another” (allēlōn) is a reciprocal pronoun, which means it describes something happening across a group. It doesn’t require every member to do it equally, with everyone, or even in the same way. Consider how we use this same kind of term today:
“The team congratulated one another.” Is this wrong if not every player congratulated every other player?
“Kids, help one another get ready to go!” Are they disobeying if the 2-year-old doesn’t help anyone?
“The soldiers cover one another’s backs.” What about the guy on point, whose job is to watch what’s ahead, not who’s behind him?
Simply put, “one another” doesn’t mean every member is doing it, or even that all members do it evenly. Context tells us what’s actually happening, and as we’ve seen, Paul gives a general command (“submit to one another”) and then immediately explains what he means by three specific, asymmetrical relationships.
Whether we like that interpretation or not, we need to honestly ask what’s happening here. We have two clear choices:
- Ephesians 5:21 redefines submission as something symmetrical, only for Paul to turn around and use the ordinary, one-directional sense of the word for the three groups actually under authority in 5:22-6:9. He never once applies it to husbands, fathers, or masters.
- Ephesians 5:22-6:9 is Paul defining what he means by “submit to one another.” His examples clarify that it’s not about making everyone do the same thing (as we see in Phil. 2:3-4 and 1 Peter 5:5b). Instead, he shows what submission looks like in each relationship where it actually applies, while holding those in authority to a standard of their own: fulfilling their role with humility toward those under them.
It may be more comfortable, even more “with the times,” to read this as all people submitting to one another equally. But that’s simply not what the text shows. Instead, we see that Paul is telling people to practice appropriate submission toward one another, not mutual.
But what about love, humility, and sacrifice?
So where does the idea of mutual submission actually come from? Based on how several commentators cross-reference this passage, I think it comes down to a mistaken assumption: that an authority structure automatically makes the one in charge less humble than the one under him. People read Ephesians 5:22-6:9 next to a verse like Philippians 2:3-4 and conclude that if husbands, fathers, and masters aren’t told to “submit,” they must not be held to the same standard of humility as everyone else.
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
That’s a false dilemma. Christians are called to humility across the board, even as they live inside specific relationships of authority and submission. Both are true at once, but humility governs how the relationship gets lived out. The wife submits in humility. The husband leads in humility. They pursue the same virtue while exercising it differently.
That distinction shows up in the vocabulary itself. When New Testament writers want something that really is equal and universal, every believer toward every other believer without exception, they don’t use “submit.” They consistently call for humility. Peter gives us a compact example of exactly this pattern:
Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (1 Peter 5:5)
Notice what’s happening. There’s still a specific authority relationship here (the elders are pastors, not just older folks; see 1 Peter 5:1-4). But everyone is told to live it out with humility, including elders who have also have authority. The elders don’t get a pass on humility because they hold the authority. If anything, they’re held to it more directly, because leadership without humility is just leadership for personal gain.
Ephesians does the same thing, in the same order: a command, then a structure to live it out inside of. Which means we’ve probably made Paul contradict himself by accident, by treating two different concepts as if they were one. Ephesians 5:21-6:9 is about godly submission and godly leadership. Philippians 2:3-4 is about godly humility, which both submission and leadership require if either one is going to be godly at all. The two passages aren’t interchangeable, but they are absolutely companions.
After all, how can:
- a man function as a godly husband, father, and master?
- a wife possibly submit if she has the personality to take charge?
- a child obey when he either doesn’t want to or doesn’t understand?
- a bondservant obey when he knows he’s already free in Christ?
By doing nothing from selfish ambition or conceit. Submission and leadership don’t exist in a vacuum. Without humility toward others, and reverence for Christ himself, neither one is possible. That’s not a coincidence. It’s the same reverence Paul names back in verse 21: submitting to one another out of fear of Christ. Paul may not use the word humility, but his commands for the six groups are only possible if they humble themselves before God and consider others as more significant.
| Those under authority must submit to that authority | Those in authority must bear responsibility for those they lead |
| Wives: submit (5:22, 24) | Husbands: love; give himself up (5:25) |
| Children: obey; honor (6:1-2) | Parents: do not provoke to anger; bring up in discipline and instruction (6:4) |
| Bondservants: obey (6:5) | Masters: do the same (6:6-8); stop threatening (6:9) |
| All Christians: Live in humility, counting others as more significant than themselves. | |
Conclusion: Asymmetrical submission, mutual humility
Submission isn’t the same as making others more significant. Submission is about authority while significance is about value. Both submission and leadership require people to refuse selfishness, pride, arrogance, neglect of stewardship, and disregard for Christ.
Our culture may view someone in submission as somehow “less significant” than the one over them, but that just shows how far from humility we truly are. Why do we find it demeaning to live out the submissive role God has placed us in within certain relationships? Why do we feel empowered when God gives us the terrifying responsibility of leading someone? This is a flaw with our hearts, not how God calls us to live.
Ephesians 5:21 doesn’t teach mutual submission, which is made clear by the specific examples Paul uses to explain his point. But Paul’s command for one-directional submission within appropriate relationships also doesn’t erase God’s other commands for us to live out every relationship with humility, honoring the other person and refusing to seek our own personal gain.
Consider what’s been said in this article. It may challenge many popular assumptions, but I think I’ve shown my work and given readers enough to help them sharpen why they agree or disagree. Take it, pray about it, and ask God to grow your humility so you can live out every relationship with reverence to our Savior.